i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
