I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize