everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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