So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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