...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
