Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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