btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's paint friendship bongs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
