I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
