So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
