I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
