umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize