My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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