are you still at the devil's house?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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