my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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