I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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