She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
