Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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