i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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