We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
