Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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