omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
