i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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