Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
