His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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