I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
