Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
