Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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