Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
