I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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