The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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