ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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