But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What a dumb baby whore.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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