Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
