That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
