no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
