I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
