this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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