Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
