if only i could text you this smell
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
