I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
