The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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