i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
