he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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