his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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