so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
