He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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