Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
