a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize