Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
