i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
