You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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