Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
