Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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