I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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