I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Randomize