I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize