Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize