I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
