Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
