She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
