I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
