No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
