everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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