Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
