I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
