"it" just moved
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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